I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
