Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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