If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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