Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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