id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
