I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
