Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
