You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
