Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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