She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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