About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
