So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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