Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
