How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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