Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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