HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
