Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
