I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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