I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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