i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
