I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
