You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
