dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm jealous of your bromance
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
