i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
