The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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