Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
