Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
