she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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