I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
