She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
