My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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