so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
