why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
