my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Damn victory sex feels great
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
