It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
