Is it normal to miss your booty call?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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