I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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