in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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