I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
