The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
