I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it glows. i had to have it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
