You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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