I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
