I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
