Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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