She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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