you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
