i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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