if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
