New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
