I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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