I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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