It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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