I am puke
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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