I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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