im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
